Monday, August 26, 2013 | By: Unknown

Lost

  I'm not sure of a lot of things in life. As we travel an go our ways, life's many hurdles things that we need to get over get in our way. Wounds that sometimes need more TLC to get better, to heal.  some wounds are too deep, cut down to the very soul of us that takes an extremely special person to caress and help it heal. No matter how hard we try sometimes life knocks us down. Everytime we pick  ourselves up we leave a piece of us there. But that's the point, that's where we grow stronger we become something more then human, a little less alive.
  I guess recently with all that was good, there's always that much bad. Sometimes the greatest things fall quickly in the end. Every time I allow myself, to fall, too hope, to dream; I find myself broken and hurt and lost. I tried, I tried more this time then before, yet I find myself in a worse position.
  They ask for my love, then make me promise, they show me things, they give me dreams, they give me hope, yet when it comes down to it... I'm the one that loses all that I care for when they crush it all.
  Now due too today's circumstances, my fixed income, and her inability or want to fix what's on Lee damaged , has me on the verge of losing my son. Because of my income I won't be able to put a roof over his head.
  I just don't know what my purpose is here anymore. Every road I travel on is cut short, everywhere I turn the people closest to me are the ones causing me the most pain. That silent cry in the night the one only heard by yourself, the one that keeps your sanity. I feel my sanity slipping away.
To admit love is too allow yourself to be weak, to be controlled by that person that you love. And yet it takes the greatest strength to allow your self to be loved. When someone knows you love them it is usually them that will hurt you the most. The things that have hurt me the most are the most important to me. My sisters punishing me cause I was gone, my mother siding with them and of course finally admitting to me what I have felt for so very long.
  This was truly my last attempt at settling down. For this is the very last time that I will do this to my son. He is all I have in all his innocence in him is my only hope of life. Somedays I sit back and think where I would be if I didn't have him. So I thank God that he is here. He lost his mother but I will never leave him. Never will I abandon him on no one. Yet, unfortunately I have to let him go for a bit. Only till I can stand on my own two feet. The very thought of having to be separated from him is just horrible. But I think with perseverance and tenacity that it will be a short separation.
  I guess I will just have to start over once again. As if I'm plagued with dead ends and broken dreams I will keep on keeping on. To all those that are lost, or feel that life is just shitty. Trust and believe that someday it will all get better, that someday you will be where you should be. Don't ever give up on living...there is something out there for everyone.  God bless and stay strong.

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