Where Did I go Wrong

So for the life of me there are some things that I just can't figure out, I mean I must be a worthy man, cause my ex-wife would like to be with with me still and would rather have stayed with me. Yet since we separated I have been in two relationships that just didn't work out oto well. No matter how hard I tried for them to work they failed. Yet the women still want to stay friends with me. But seriously how do you stay friends with someone that you would rather be with, not just sitting on the side lines. Yes granted one of the woman is married; still thanks to me, and it was doomed to fail between me and her, but the other; I messed up pretty bad with that one.
I got nervous and scared, I'm a grown ass man, I will admit to it, I was worried that the distance that we had to endure was going to ruin what we had been building on, I was afraid to loose such a good one. With her living in Texas and me stuck in Virginia, I was like man this sucks all I wanted was to see her, to hold her, but I kept telling her that if we make it through the distance, then we can make it through anything, total fail on my part, just for being an idiot. I mean me and her shared the same hopes and aspirations. She loved my son, which is most important, cause he adored her. She wanted to adopt him and continue to have a family and make additions to it, she has no kids; perfect right?
She had this idea that since I broke the tie with her for all of six hours that she just wants to focus on school, and keep me as a friend. Great is what I thought cause my own undoing was my own fear. Go figure. Well I have given her space, let her be free, if she was serious then we will see where it goes, cause if she comes back around after shes done with school...I more then likely wouldn't hesitate, for I wasn't looking when I found her, it just happened.
Funny thing is when I was first introduced, I was like man, I really want to get to know this chic, on a personal level, and the more I learned about her, the more I got sprung on her. She thinks its the idea of her, but I say it is all of her for who she is, and where she wants to go in life. I miss the hell out of her, worst part is that I keep beating myself up for it, lesson learned I suppose. I just hope that where ever she goes in life, that she holds no regret, and that the next man is a better one then me. For in the end I suppose I just want her to be happy.

Love Gained and Lost

So we know a little about me now, I would say its about that time to bring in the whole start of this blog, the reason why I got the idea to keep a live digital log of my life, travels, and relationship, also to include raising a child with ADHD as a single parent. In 2009 I started to see this girl...from here on out shall just be known as S...So S showed me something, she let me know that their is someone out there that can make me happy again...if you remember my home was a broken home, me and my sons mother weren't talking and just couldn't stand one another.
So since I'm a one woman man I hadn't been with another one, I had forgotten what it was life to be wanted, forgotten what it was like to be cherished...forgotten alot of things that I no longer had with my sons mom. She totally opened me up, broke down all my walls that I had built over the years that made me strong, and gave me courage, and made me a real asshole to most people that didn't know me for who I was. The only problem with S, was that she was married. Her story goes that she was very unhappy, for he mentally abused her, made her feel less of a woman, treated her as if she were a child, always told her she was ugly, and dumb. Her problem was is that, that is all she knows, the were high school sweet hearts, and she has a child by him.
Yes I know, "big problem" its so true what they say, that when a woman loves she loves unconditionally. For in the end she helped me and she heart me, six months into our relationship, after we've made all these plans, started setting things in motion, she gets cold feet, she gets scared, she decides that she wants to fix things with her husband...fair enough, I'm such a good guy I sudden;y turn from lover, to counselor, and I help her to save her marrige. Not so sure why I allowed myself to be hurt that way, maybe it was because mine was so far gone that there was no repairs for it so why not? Couldn't tell you, it just happened that way. No I was never mad at her for what she did, I was crushed, I was deeply hurt, I was semi out of my mind, hell I had fallen so hard for her and her son; being that I always wanted more kids, but my sons mother couldn't carry, that I adopted him as my own.
We live and learn I suppose, never again will I mess with a young married chic, your UN-happy...LEAVE HIM...don't come to me with no bullshit!
Well time goes by, we went our separate ways, and thanks to her, I was a new person. I mean not in the sense that my whole mind set has changed, just in the way that I go about things, that making friends now comes easier, talking to women comes almost naturally. I started listening more to myself, taking my own advice that i just give out like candy but never really follow. Things like "happiness is what you make it" and "life is to short to be angry or upset" and "cherish the ones around you, cause you never know" just sayings just like that when applied makes life so much less stressful, so much more appeasable.