A History Lesson

Think I should give a little history about myself. Lets take it back to 2003 about nine years ago. Fresh out of high school, big dreams, five scholarships, you name it I had it. Then one day my girl-friend tells me shes pregnant. So I did what any real man would do. Went out and got three jobs. Life was hard, I was going on 19, alone from everything. But I prevailed, fought against her mother, my mother, my sister, and the rest of the gypsy clan as i like to call them; and made things happen for me and her.

Now all that sounds a little easy, but it wasn't, there were times I thought I would never stop struggling, never thought I would make it. Life had some good times for me, it wasn't all pain and suffering, after my son we did some house hopping, I job hopped...eventually I was able to get us an efficiency in the Perrine area of south Florida. Found a good job life was going great, like a fool I spent a lot, spoiled her, had more or less what I wanted. Like all good things, the job ended. Like most of America, I found myself jobless in 2006. Struggled after my meager savings ran out, she went back to her clan, and I slept under bridges...blah, blah.

Let's fast forward a little more...At the end of 2007 I enlisted into the United States Navy, married my sons mother in April of 2008 and left for boot camp. Boot camp wasn't so bad, it was what it was...the next chapters in my life almost pushed me over the edge to no return. While I was in boot, my new wife is back home, bull shitting with everything I make, she couldn't save a dime, even going as far as "investing" in her ex-boyfriends business. How shitty is that? My money and it's being screwed all around with before I can even see it. Whatever...fast-forward some more 2009 her kidneys give out on her, thanx to her not having been taking care of herself with diabetes...at the age of 22 she's on dialysis...what the fuck! At the end of 2009 in November on the 16th at about 1730ish I get the call to tell me that I'm a perfect match to donate a kidney to her and save her life, but I can't donate.

Through out the next year we just fall apart. I mean everything went out the window. I watched the woman that I deeply loved deteriorate in front of me, watched her wither away, stood by the hospital bed, took the ambulances, the midnight freak outs that she was dying on me right there because her sugar dropped to the teens and she had a stroke, and seizures, and on and on. Mean while all that was going down...the silence in the grew deeper, and darker. If we spoke it was unkindly, we slept in different rooms. My house was a broken home.

I couldn't even look at her any more. She brought great anger and hatred towards her from me, she disgusted me. Not because of how she looked, all sickly and such; but because she had ruined my dreams, she took all that I had been working for and turned it useless and a total waste of time. A family with her, and more kids is all I wanted, for us to have all that we wanted...She ruined it all by not caring enough about us, about her son, about life to take care of herself. Again life came crashing down around me. Yea some may not see it that way, may say "What a self centered asshole, blah, blah" But the whole picture is her crushing dreams, same as if she cheated on me, which I'm sure she has; same as if she just jumped off a building into the abyss of fuck it I'm single. Even still the most important thing, our son. He started asking questions like "is mommy going to die? Is mommy dying now?" started getting really curious about death.

That's when it all clicked...so in November of 2010 I filed for separation. Not just because she was sick, but more importantly to protect my son. A six or seven year old should not be concerned in anyway with death. Now I'm waiting for the courts to make a final decision on our divorce decree, and grant us the divorce.

So now we are up to date with everything in my world...from time to time I will share somethings from the past, kinda bounce back and forth...take care.