What to Do...

So, this new life that I have voyaged upon isn't as easy as I had thought it to be. Can't find work, loosing every way I turn, and for some reason it seems that all I fight for just gets farther away. I had a long discussion the other day with my ex-mother in-law, not only was it stressful, and depressing, and heart wrenching, but it actually made me cry. Turns out that it took her all these years to fall in-love with me, but it was just a little too late. Her mother tells me that she is dieing, that every time we talk on the phone, she dies a little faster; now she has been a part of my life for so many years, for the past ten years of my life she was there, the sad part is, that I loved her the moment I saw her; I told myself that I was going to save her from herself, give new meaning to her life, be there for her...after about eight years I realized that it wasn't possible. That no matter what I gave her, or did for her, she didn't care enough to live, she didn't care enough to take care of herself, not even for her son.
I'm not completely sure how I should feel about this, I still love her, but its not more then you love a sister, or a really close friend. Her mother blames me for the state of mind that her daughter is in. She says that the way I left was wrong, in reality it was over long before I walked out the door.  The definition of Insanity:" doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. " by Albert Einstein, is what I started to realize. I couldn't change her state of mind, I couldn't make her care about living, so why should I continue to fight for something if I'm the only one fighting for it? I walked cause I had to protect my son from the pain, from seeing his mom that way, I wanted him to remember the good days, to remember his mother when she was the most beautiful, not how she looks, or acts now. Her mother says that she is so broken, so lost that she no longer is capable of taking care of herself. This truly saddens me to the core, I had hoped that she would have gotten stronger from this, gotten better, proved to herself that she is everything I tell all women, that they are strong, powerful, and smart.
As she gets sicker, my only regret was that maybe I should have tried to stay by her longer, after all I didn't leave her cause she was sick, I left her because of everything  she did, and everything she didn't do. She didn't hold up her end of the deal, she wasn't a good parent to our son, she wasn't loyal to me, as I always was to her, she didn't do the things that all spouse do when they are a home maker.  I just pray for her to be at peace, for her to know that I have forgiven her for all that she has done wrong, including crush the dreams of mine and our sons by cutting her life short, and most of all, I pray for her strength to carry on with her life.
I'm not saying I'm perfect, I have made my mistakes in life and relationship, many I will not ever repeat again. I just wish the answers were before me, that the light will shine down on what it is I'm supposed to do. 
Right now I have this beautiful girl, one that I had my eye on almost ten years ago when I met her, never thought in a million years I would be able to call her mine, never expected to be divorced either; yet here I am. The only problem is, she has been destroyed, hurt, dragged so low, and been on her own for so long, because she is so guarded. Turns out while I was crushing her, she might have been doing the same. I think about her all the time, but I'm not sure she is as into it as I am, she lets her fears take over, hold her back. I'm so afraid to express my deepest feelings to her, so afraid to get hurt myself, but I feel that if I don't then it maybe too late when I feel strong enough. I just don't know how to break down her walls, I'm trying to be patient, take it at her pace, but some days she is running full speed, then some days its like she climbed in her shell and I can't get her out for nothing in the world.
She makes me feel like I have wings on, that I can take on the world when she's near me, I get so sleepy, so comfortable in her arms. She soothes me with her simplest touch, the storm in my head subsides, and I feel total peace and bliss. The more I'm around her the more lost I get, the more she takes my breath away, but its like a roller coaster with her moods, and mixed signals, and how she goes back and forth with what is and what could be. One day shes all on me and cuddling, the next nothing; not a word, call or text, seriously what the hell am I supposed to do? Then through in my damn mouth, and my imagination, and it spells disaster when I was reading to do deep between lines that don't exist...aaaahhhh