Where do I Stand

Im at a serious cross roads in my life, I feel as if everything I touch just falls away as I touch it, like the ashes of what is and what could be raining all around me. I don't know what it is that I'm supposed to do, there was a time in life when I believed that my soul purpose in life, the reason I was on this planet was to make others happy, to bring laughter to people, to be the life of the party, and in any situation. Being that I am human, just a man, I have made a lot of mistakes in life. Done things that I'm not proud of, said things to those that I love, hurt people because I could. I just feel like I'm being punished for my past ways, like everything is hunting me, I don't sleep cause my dreams of life are nightmares when I close my eyes.
I try and keep the faith, asked for forgiveness, pushed forward through this hell that I seem to find myself. I starting to feel like it is all but a waste of time, that my feelings and thoughts no longer matter, if they ever did at all; to those that I feel the most for. Every mistake I make is made into something bigger, everything I say is taken out of context, feel like I am never fully understood.
When every time you take a step forward with something that is important, and you end up two steps back...what is one to do?
The cross roads in which I stand are a tough one, I have my sister here that I love to death and would do anything for her; but she still punishes me for things that I did when I was young, barely out of my teens, things that I cant change no matter how hard I want to. I had reached a point when our step-father walked out on us, to where I just wanted to run, be free, yet I had the entire weight of the family on my shoulders. In the end, things got out of hand, and I left for a few years. Turned my back to all of them, with much regret. Her children have taken to me alot, I couldn't see myself not in their lives anymore, but the pain of being here so close to my sister, yet so far is getting to be heavy.
Then I have this chick, that some how has come back into my life after so many years. We met almost ten years ago, but I was already with my sons mother, so me being a loyal and respectable man, I stayed away. I stayed away cause I was crushing her, she was cute, and I saw inn her this greatness, this power to be independent, and mothering, just knew she would be somebody some day. Never did I imagine that one day I would get to be with her. I fell more or less instantly for her, like this great spark, the way I see her and the way she makes me feel inside, so at peace, so tenderly warm and comfortable. No longer do I feel restless when I am in her arms. I can actually sleep the few times that we have cuddled. Yet her past is being projected onto me, bring fear of pain to her heart.
Brings me back to my cross roads, do I stay or do I go? There are a few roads to which I can choose, I haven't a clue as to which one I should choose. If I were to stay would anything change, should I keep struggling here where I have little support? Or do I take the other road and leave, take what I can fit in my car and roll out to my home, where family and friends are missing me, and are in-abundance? And yet there's still another road in which I can choose...stay, build a foundation here, work hard and wait to see if this girl comes around, prove to her that I am the man I say I am, and that I want to build a future with her. Which ties into so many more things. The awkwardness when everyone comes together, or the missed invites that I wont get cause she will be there, or she wont show cause I am there. I don't want that either. It would cause me great pain to come in the middle of this family that my sister has built up here for herself.
Nothing but more questions fill my head, hundreds of reasons to stay, hundreds more to go. Don't want to seem like I am running away from it all, just not sure if it is worth it all anymore. A battle I feel that I have lost, and will continue to lose no matter how I approach it. I mean, I do feel like this is where I'm supposed to be, that I found what I was looking for, but at the same time, I feel as if I'm wasting precious time. My soul is in pain, my heart aches, the loneliness that I feel is sinking me deeper into a hole that is dark and cold. I am emotionally drained, and just so tired from it all.