Sometimes He Says Things at the Wrong Time

You know I'm glad that I have been able to create lasting memories for my son when his mother and I were together. Sometimes he just randomly recalls these things from somewhere deep with-in his little mind. Somedays I like hearing him recant how me, him, and mommy went and did this, or while I was doing something and mommy made a funny joke about it. Just little innocent things like that, most of the time it is no big deal, when it gets to me though is when he says something about how he misses it, or asks if I miss it.

Tonight was a little different for something, I just have been so busy that I really haven't payed attention to anything else other then my son, and attending my transitional assistance program; basically a class to help me transition back into being a normal, regular Joe, a civilian with a background, nothing more and nothing less. Being that it is so important for to get out of service and land on my feet I just don't have the time for uselessness right now. Yet during dinner, that I managed to cook after class, while writing resumes!!! Anyway while we were eating, he says "Hey, dad, remember when we used to make breakfast for dinner?" I only heard parts of that...but "Yea buddy" so he continues..."When Mommy would pop the eggs into a bowl, and I would scramble them, and then you and mommy would make either the eggs, or french toast together....I miss that." The look on his face is what did it more for me.

He looked for the moment as if he were lost all alone in the middle of the woods. Seriously, everything stopped for him. As I watched all this go down, I started to go back, started day dreamin about that time, even though I was eating spaghetti I smelled eggs, tasted the french toast. A blink later, hes back to his normal self, back to eating ad laughing and asking for another plate. My meal was done, with a half a plate left, served over to him, I was finished with dinner, taken back to some deep place in my mind.

This deep place in my mind isn't so much of me missing her per-say, but more so of missing that moment, missing that good time, before the pain tore us apart. It's the life style that I was accustomed to for all these years, the life style I wanted. I'm not a go out all night and party guy, I'm not one to sleep around really, I just like that affection, that one on one, that cuddle time, that intimate time that I shared with someone on a permanent bases. I miss what she stood for at one time, I miss what she used to be, and most of all I just miss having someone around me that I can talk with and joke with and knows what the hell I mean.

I love my little buddy to death, and as previously mentioned, he can just pull some of the most random things out of his little head, most times it doesn't bother me, but then there are those times when I'm just to tired and like arrrrgghhhh, totally throws me off track for a bit till I can bring myself back around. Gotta love the randomness of an innocent child....