Tough Day

All right so my days are numbered in the house that used to be a home. So today was kind of a crunch day, slammed most of the house into the storage that I have today, all though the deeper part of me was saying "F*** it all, sell it all, and move on", I still tried to salvage what was left of the house, not for me; but for my most dearly loved lil buddy, so that way when I do reopen a house and make it into a home, I can make it something of what he remembers.
Just lugging all the stuff up and down the stairs, moving all the things into boxes, crates, and tubs; trying to decide whats worth saving and whats not worth it is just so draining. People may think that packing a house that was a home into little boxes full of memories is easy, but it is far from it. Its not that I love her in that way anymore, it's more like loosing a really close friend, it's like ending a chapter in your life that you just weren't ready to do, but it was needed in order to move to a better one. The way everything worked out was just shitty, I ended up with a house full of stuff that I told her to take along with her in the first place...FML; I never wanted to keep any of it, I had taken all I cared to take, except my sons room was to remain intact and that was all that was to be put in storage; cause as far as I was concerned with, starting over in life ment taking nothing with you of your past. It's all good though, for the next few years of my life will be better, I just have to get through these next few months.
I'm just thankful that the lord has blessed me with a few good friends in life that are close by, for if it were not for them, then I would surely have just thrown my whole house on the curb and called it a day. For it was too draining to even be in the house, let alone by myself. Thanks to my friends that have let me know that they support me, and they are with my during these troublesome times, throughout this rough chapter I'm currently going through.
The only thing that could have made it all the better would have been to have my girl by my side.Yes this is the same one that I'm technically not with, that I just adore, and would rather have stayed with had I not messed up. I say "my girl" loosely. For what happens, happens; if we do get back together some time in the future; great, then it really was meant to be. For I truly believe that we were in some way shape or form fated that way, else why would we have met in the first place, when neither of us were looking for anything.
Any ways, if she were here, if she were able to be, things would have gone smoother, she always makes me laugh, just her smile is enough to melt all my problems of any day away. The other night when we Skyped, man I had forgotten just how beautiful she was, not in the way that one forgets what a color looks like, just in the way of seeing her live in action, seeing her in her element the way I remembered her when I last saw her back in November.
I try and remind myself this....."when facing adversity, we may think we’ve reached our limit, but actually the more trying the circumstances, the closer we are to making a breakthrough. The darker the night, the nearer the dawn. Victory in life is decided by that last concentrated burst of energy filled with the resolve to win."